The room was quite dark, yet large. The wooden seats in the main sanctuary was uncomfortable, but warmed up by the heater. I took the hands next to mine and lifted up into the air. Tears poured down my face and I was practically screaming, but was so was everyone else. 

I then sat down and started to sob. “From the inside out” by Hillsong united softly played on the background. My friend Kelly came over and we hugged and broke down. I felt her sweaty palms on my T shirt her tears all over my arms, but I did not care. I felt truly blessed by the love of God. I took her hands and prayed in them. I felt like I was dreaming, but in a good way. I felt that God was there with me that night and he showed us that he loved us. Kelly then took her hands and wrapped them around my shoulders and started to whisper. I could hear others crying and screaming the words “from the inside out, Lord” as well as some constant murmurings of “Amen”

The song “From the Inside Out” by Hillsong United means a lot to me. I know this song by heart, because it is the song I listen to every time I feel down or don’t feel loved. During my church retreat, this was the song that was playing while I had my meltdown while praying. I had never been very religious before my fall retreat, nor still am a perfect Christian, the retreat really shaped my beliefs and importance of Christianity in my life. Before my change, I put more importance on my own greeds and wantings, but I learned that giving all my love and importance to God should always be my number one priority. Although I still have a lot of work to keep my beliefs, whenever I listen to this song it reminds me that I have to get myself together and remember my night when I felt like I was truly redeemed. One of the verses,

 “A thousand times I’ve failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
Still I’m caught in your grace
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame”

always helps me remember that even if I fail everything else, God will still love me the same no matter. For me, knowing this is very empowering because I know that someone really loves me in this world no matter what happens and it frees me to make mistakes and let people down sometimes.